Blank faces stare at
Distant worlds through back-lit screens
Blind to here and now
I messed up and stuck to a 7-5-7 syllable verse for my first haiku, making it a not real haiku. So I tried to stick with the original message and feel and make a true haiku out of it. 5-7-5, totaling 17 syllables, that is.
What do you think? Which one do you like better?